Learning to Live and Love Again: The Aftermath of Heartbreak

 -the stuff of novels, songs, and tear-stained pillows. When a relationship crumbles, it can feel like the world is ending. The memories, the shared dreams, the laughter – they all seem to mock us in the aftermath of a breakup. 

Friendship heartbreak can sting just as much as romantic heartbreak, if not more. We invest our time, trust, and emotions in our friends, believing that they'll always have our backs. But sometimes, friendships fade, betrayals happen, and we're left picking up the pieces of our shattered trust. 

Family heartbreak cuts deep. It's the ache of unmet expectations, unresolved conflicts, and shattered illusions of unconditional love. We're taught that family is supposed to be our safe haven, but sometimes, they're the ones who hurt us the most. 

I spent most of my 2022 in isolation. I had just changed places and in my new place I had housemates, 3 of us shared a kitchen and a bathroom but had our own bedrooms.  They knew each other but didn't know me, I didn't know them I didn't want to. One time I left my keys in my room and one of them left after me and locked the main door, locking me outside. I had to wait hours for her to eventually come back to open because I didn't have her numbers and I didn't know her name. 

In 2023, I had to move out again and I hated the idea of sharing a room with someone else but as my options narrowed down, it was the only one left. This is after praying about it and all. The first few weeks were awkward as hell atleast for me. Fast forward to the end of the year I was bawling my eyes off at the idea of not seeing her again or staying with her one more year. 

It's easier to build a wall, not let anyone in it's safer. I tried it and I was the saddest I've ever been. I was lonely and had said I preferred it than bad company. C.S Lewis says "I can only know that much of myself which I have had the courage to confide to you"  and I had lived by this and met a lot of heartbreak especially in friendships. 

It's okay to mourn the loss of what could have been. Admist the wreckage we learn to cherish those who stand by us through thick and thin, and we understand the value of boundaries and authenticity in our relationships. Family heartbreak reminds us that blood ties alone don't guarantee love and acceptance. We build our own families – ones based on love, respect, and mutual understanding. It's not easy, but it's worth it.

You don't have to set your self alight to keep others warm, you don't have to dishonor yourself. You can choose who gets access to you, as Mpoomy would put it "who gets a seat at your table". It's okay to open yourself up again. It's a gradual process, filled with setbacks and triumphs, but oh, is it worth it! 

We begin to see love in unexpected places – in the kindness of strangers, the laughter of friends, and the embrace of chosen family. We learn to forgive – not just others, but ourselves – for the mistakes and missteps along the way. It doesn't have to be lonely at the top. 

Until next time, keep shining, keep loving, and keep believing in the magic of possibility. 

With love 

B

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I Meant Well… But Maybe I Hurt You Anyway

Image
The disconnect between meaning well and doing well . I used to think that love was enough. That good intentions would carry the weight of every misunderstood word, every delayed response, every moment where I didn’t show up fully — emotionally, spiritually, or attentively. Hey there! It's been a while and I’ve been sitting with the possibility that even love, when not handled with care, can still wound. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Maybe I was too caught up in my own internal battles. Maybe I was trying so hard to be enough, I didn’t realize I wasn’t being present. Maybe I thought being physically there counted more than emotional availability. Maybe I silenced your pain in defense of my intentions. I was trying. But maybe not in the way you needed. Love is not a pass. It doesn’t excuse missteps. It doesn’t cancel out the impact of neglect, even when it’s unintentional. You can want to be someone’s safe place, and still forget how to hold them gently. Sometimes we do the most dama...
Read more

And Just Like That, It’s June

Image
There’s something about beginnings that don’t come with fireworks. No major life event. No deep revelation. Just a quiet shift. Like when you realize the month has changed, and somehow… so have you.  Hey there, It’s June. It’s the middle of the year, and it feels like the start of something. Maybe it’s the pink roses sitting on the kitchen counter. Maybe it’s the leftover mac and cheese that tasted better today than yesterday. Or maybe it’s the quiet devotion from John 11 reminding me that even Jesus wept. That divinity doesn’t cancel out emotion. That it’s okay to feel. We don’t always need a sign to mark growth. Sometimes it’s in the small things, in knowing what no longer hurts the way it used to. In breathing through a memory that once tightened the chest. In waking up and not rushing to check your phone. In dancing in the rain, just because. Time doesn’t heal everything. But it does give you enough distance to see things more clearly. It makes room for softness where there was...
Read more

Hey…I still love you

Image
It’s hard for me to admit but I still love you. Even when I’ve convinced myself I shouldn’t. Even when you weren’t there. Even when love didn’t look like love at all.  Hey there, Embarrassing right? Exposing. Like handing over a fragile truth and hoping it doesn’t get laughed at. Because sometimes it’s not just about romantic love. Sometimes it's the love you carry for people who should’ve stayed, who didn’t, who couldn’t. And maybe who never knew how. To the father who wasn’t around. It took me years to realize that your absence still echoes in how I search for reassurance. In how I sometimes wait to be chosen, by friends, by partners, by life itself. I feel it when I try to prove I’m enough. When I get too quiet in relationships, afraid to need too much. Still, I love you. And sometimes I wonder if you would’ve been proud and why I wasn't enough to 'stay' for or good enough to love.  To the one I loved. I saw you. I saw your inner child, the one who needed love but d...
Read more