Hey…I still love you

It’s hard for me to admit but I still love you. Even when I’ve convinced myself I shouldn’t. Even when you weren’t there. Even when love didn’t look like love at all. 

Hey there,

Embarrassing right? Exposing. Like handing over a fragile truth and hoping it doesn’t get laughed at. Because sometimes it’s not just about romantic love. Sometimes it's the love you carry for people who should’ve stayed, who didn’t, who couldn’t. And maybe who never knew how.

To the father who wasn’t around. It took me years to realize that your absence still echoes in how I search for reassurance. In how I sometimes wait to be chosen, by friends, by partners, by life itself. I feel it when I try to prove I’m enough. When I get too quiet in relationships, afraid to need too much.
Still, I love you. And sometimes I wonder if you would’ve been proud and why I wasn't enough to 'stay' for or good enough to love. 

To the one I loved. I saw you. I saw your inner child, the one who needed love but didn’t know how to ask for it. And maybe I was hoping we could heal our stories through each other. Oh, the mess we made…Trying to hide. Trying to prove we didn’t need each other. Pretending we weren’t still carrying wounds too deep to name. As if pretending we were “fine” could undo the damage. As if love alone could save us from ourselves. Even so, I loved you then. And if I’m honest, a piece of me still does.

To the parent who tried their best but couldn’t offer what I needed emotionally. We never really learned each other. So now, in adulthood, a simple hug or “how are you really?” feels too unfamiliar. And yet, I still want closeness. Still crave connection. Still love you.

It’s strange how these unhealed pieces follow us. How they show up as self-sabotage, fear of intimacy, hyper-independence. How we learn to expect disappointment and call it “preparation.” How we push good people away because we’re waiting for them to leave anyway. We say we’re fine. We get things done. But inside, we’re still trying to make peace with the people we lost, physically or emotionally. And through all of that…I still love you.

And deep down, I really do wish you could love me back.
That maybe one day, we’ll get it right, before it’s too late.
The kind of love we both, deep down, know we deserve.


But for now, I won’t pretend. I still love you. That’s the truth I live with. And maybe, that’s okay.

Love 
B

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